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| i'm messin' with a new xanga but i like this one...it's all...idk...home-y now i guess....idkbut if you take an interest check out BlazedBella....(hehe I tricked Brooke)....it did have a picture of my lover Sid but uh i changed the picture and kept his name.... | | |
| so.....i manged to uh hmmph..complain about the begining of this week....well i was terribly mistaken..i got plenty of time off anf Steph came home to chill and I got to see Westopher....and just pow-woo it up.....good times....althought i'm begining to see the potential of a hazardous habit forming...lol | | |
| To update....i'm gettin' jipped outta' TWO! slepin' in days.....RSU HAS class tomorrow and then CHS has madatory Encore the next Day...UGGGG.....not to mention i can't go to the movie tomorrow...which sucks 'cause i never talk to anyone in the youthgroup that's not in my own bloodline anymore.....infact....the ones to do talk to are the ones they've kicked out.....so I gotta' go Babysit....but it's cool she' spretty huesk...so...hmm....so just sittin' and thinkin'.....and typing like I talk apparently....ya' know the " n' " ending....ok anyway....so it's kinda; late....and i'm uber far behind in Invisible man, which I found a adjustment to make in Raasch's explanation of the cover....who's to say he didn't spell it with an "i" in the original ....err..manuscript....maybe he really did mean it....a small "i" in the bigger picture....so this post was just be babbbling...cool....i hope you guys waste all your precious free time on this....Moohahahahahaha | | |
| I have this dire need to write this evening...but what?....i'm in a state of very mixed emotions, apathy even.....which is ironic because it always seems at my most apathetic times my more emotional writing occurs.....honestly...i'm feeling rather alone lately.....school is just motions i go through....it's all just the things i HAVE to do to be able to crawl back into bed....and i hate feeling that way....like life is something that's happening to me....i just don't feel like anything going right now is getting me any closer to my future....i want a husband and kids and a house and a family....most of the time i think i just go to school because it's somewhere to meet people...but i'm not meeting any....and Heaven knows none of the people i socialize with on weekends are good for me...or have a similar goal in mind....or maybe they do and i just underestimate them..sometimes i forget they're all just kids...we're all just kids...and yet not.....i think right now i'm as far away from everything as i can possibly be.....when i'm having an interactive conversation with others it's just me spilling out disconnected thoughts or assanine stories....i don't talk to people anymore.....i mean sit and have coffee and talk.....share ideas, come to epiphanies....i feel so full of something...and yet so empty at the same time....it's frustrating....all i know to do is write....
I like her…..is she good for you?...
I haven’t seen you smile sober…
…maybe ever…
She’s almost perfect…
Except she’s not me…
And Thank God for that…
Because if you were ever happy…
…you’d be miserable
but even then it's just me and paper mapping out an intricate dance of doodles and curlz that has a different hearbeat for each syllable but will simply be words on paper looking back.... | | |
| no talk of weekend madness....things are just teetering dangerously closer to an edge i've been dangling my feet over for some time....today i awoke late...missed my first 2 concurrent classes hauled ass to the 3rd and was late to CHS....then turn around and book it to Foyil to babysit untill midnight....but after today...i've so got this...and as i was blindly meandering through my day i began to think....."I've so you could have life and have it more abundantly"....Jesus came that we coudl have life more abundantly....the problem is most misconceive this "abundance" as being more happiness more joy more good times....but in fact it's a gurantee bad times are to follow....just think....it's those cloudy times that you miss the sun....when he says life more abundantly he means richer fuller....he wants you to live sucking the marrow from the bone.....he wants you to feel it....but say you pour some salt on you hand....ok theres salt on your hand....your just feeling it on the surface....it's just there....but say you slice your hand open...and then pour some salt on your hand.....does that salt not enduce a brand new feeling...something deeper and more memorable....it's like that with God....when he says more abundantly he's saying it's gonna' be bad...but for everybad there's a reason and a good.....the only way to LIVE LIFE.....to experience it is to feel everywhich way there is possible to feel because when you lose you cherish winning....when you're lonely you appreciate friends....when you're cast out you have a new respect for your family.....and when things come crashing down.....you have a new humility at the top....true joy is abundant life and abundant life is taking on all the things that come at you embracing them for all they are with an unwaivering faith that gurantees there's a purpose to it all and God won't send you anything you can't handle......you've got this....
*I will call it a Peace Piece....for Pow Wows...yes that's it...a Peace Piece...
** Dredal Dredal Dredal....hehehe
***If you see Baby James tell him to Bust a Move...it'll make your whole friggin' YEAR!....and if he gets sick you can play House....!!!!!!!!!!!hahahaha | | |
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